It is Friday. And indeed, today, I am moving into the city.
For the last 5 nights, I have stayed in the southern coastal Thai town of Pattaya and Jomtien. I am ready for some city.
If someone asked me to describe Thailand in one word, it would be very difficult. Here in Thailand, many people eat a daily ration of Tom Tam soup. It is described as a sweet and sour soup. It is incredibly complex, full of savory ingredients like fish parts, chilis, mashed herbs and limes and fish sauce. But it also gets hit with sweetness like sugar and tamarind and broths.
The culture is like Tom Yum soup. When you take the fist bite, your mouth both rebels and celebrates. It knows it likes the taste, but it is so surprised – almost offended at first in what it tastes that it quivers. But bite after bite, the soup becomes addictive. Each bite holds a different surprise. Sometimes you know what you are tasting. Other times, it is best to just chew and savor.
That is often my experience with Thailand. If you are here for only a few days – you get the rush of new taste of the soup. But you don’t have enough time to really settle down to savor the full symphony of tastes.
If Thailand is Tom Yum soup – then Pattaya is a bowl of the steaming broth without a recipe. If you establish a city to cater to people who are lonely, bored, adventurous, budgeting, odd or who like to write blogs, then this is your city. It is a match between the poor people of Thailand and people who have enough money to share it with those Thai people.
I sometimes hesitate when I tell people I am going to Thailand as a single alone man. It is even more extreme if I tell people that I am a single alone man going to Pattaya.
This seashore town is a magnet for single alone men. Because there are many single Thai women ready for the perfect match. Or even single alone men if that is your game. Each evening, literally thousands of women come to work. Many of them spend time in “beer bars.” These large indoor-outdoor rooms along most every street of Pattaya have 20 seat bar island scattered throughout the room. One beer bar might have as many as 20 different rectangular bars. Each bar will have 20-30 seats – and half or more of those seats will be filled by beautiful Thai women. The chairs next to each woman wait for a Farang – also known was white ghosts or white men.
Several years ago, those bars would be packed with hundreds of white men of all ages. Many of them would be from the U.K., Germany. The Netherlands and other northern European countries. While not as many, there are also adventurous Americans and Australians.
They are still here in Pattaya. But with the recession, there are many less than before. There used to be a balance of “one week visit” tourists as well as many of these white guys who sold their lives back home and moved here. Today, from what I could see, it is now mostly mid-60 and 70 year old men who have move here. The tourists are pretty much gone. However, it is summer. And while the temperatures are enjoyably in the 70s and 80s – the towns will also pick up in November to February when cold Europeans come here to escape the arctic colds.
SAD OR HAPPYNight after night, when I see these chaps sitting in chairs, surrounded by the attention of 2 – 4 or 6 women, I am not sure what to think. At first, I am embarrassed for them. I feel sad that they have to come from so far away to have attention and affection.
But if you look into their faces, they don’t look sad. Or pathetic. In the rest of the world, divorced or lonely men sit at home, feeling sad about their lives – and realizing that they have little chance for companionship for the rest of their lives. There are also men out there who were never quite put in the category of “people people.” You know the type. They are called curmudgeons. Or grumpy. Perhaps shy. Or lust lost. Strong women in their countries didn’t know how to find them or in many cases would just not tolerate them. And so, many either were put out to pastures. Or found themselves waking up at 60 years old having not married. Or simply alone because of a spouse that prematurely left the earth.
Thailand gives them a new hope. They can come here – and get lavish attention and companionship. They will be teased by the girls. They can sit down at a bar, and for the price of a drink for themselves ($1.50 beer) and the cost of a drink for the girl ($4), they can have a conversation. They can be teased. Flirted with. Even tickled.
For aged grumpy old men around the globe, where else would they be able to get such attention.
And yes – for additional fees, they can get more companionship for the night. But many don’t. Many just enjoy having a place to go where people may even know their name, their favorite beer and what makes them happy.
MY CHRISTIAN and WESTERN moral up bringing encourages me to judge this behavior.
“It is wrong.”
“Well – why?”
“Because it just is. The Bible says so.”
“But the bible also talks about the oldest profession…”
SO, what makes something wrong. If two people consent to something, it makes it hard for me to believe that a book has the right to judge something to be wrong when it harms no one.
So – let’s talk about the CONSENT.
Thailand is a very poor country. It is improving, but like many central southeast Asian countries, there are still many people living in the country in dirt floor buildings and in villages with unpaved roads. They have no prospect to make a living in these small villages. And so, families either send off siblings to make money for the family. Or individuals, seeing glimpses of the good life on rabbit ear television sets go off themselves, aspiring to be more than the last generation.
They often have no skills, and start at the bottom of the service chain. Many quickly learn that they can work for ten cents an hour in a restaurant, or by pushing a food cart around the city streets for just a little more. Others realize that they can make 5 times that much by working in a clean air conditioned massage house. Hundreds of these massage houses exist here in Thailand. I go for a foot massage or Thai massage every other day. They are clean and legitimate businesses. They earn half their money from the shop that pays them. And at least another half from the tips they receive from their clients. I usually give anywhere from $1.50 to $3 per massage. If they do 5 massages a day – that again can be five or ten times more than if they worked in a McDonalds, pushed a food cart or worked as a waitress.
And so – you can see why many folks from the country side flock to these towns for work. And when you have massages for $10 per hour, you can see why many tourists flock to Thailand. Or at least, once the sun, weather, beaches, food and kind people attract you here – why tourists also spend their $10 on a foot massage.
The next progression gets more complicated.
Moving from foot massage therapist or body massage therapist to “beer girl” or “companion” or “escort” often become motivated beyond money. True, they can again earn 5 times more than being a foot massager. One tip from one person for one night is more than they can make in one month or even two back in their villages. And for many, much of this money goes back home to villages to help support the rest of the family, siblings or even families of their own.
But for many of these top level service girls, one of their ultimate dreams is a husband. All over, you see many white guys with a dedicated girl in their arms. Maybe they are dedicated for the day – month or forever. But they are taken, taken care of, and the envy of all their colleagues.
You can see it when a white guy walks up to a bar with a local girl in his arm. They look for how attached she is (ring?) but always give her an envious look at Wai (Thai version of a greeting). To many – they live in a dream of hoping to be meet and be scooped up by a man who will take them away to a new life and new world. They all know a friend who was lucky and they all talk about it amongst themselves as a dream.
A MOMENT OF EXPLANATION
Knowing that my mother, family members or even strangers might be reading this – I probably need to explain a few things. First of all – I have never known one of these ladies intimately to know this information. Over the last days, I did not spend my nights sitting at beer bar after beer bar looking to get tickled or talked to. Participating in this sort of extraverted culture is not my thing. However, my first awareness of this culture came when I saw “Miss Saigon” for the first time. And over the years since I have been visiting Thailand, I have read books that either describe the cultures of Thailand or fictional novels set in Thailand that give you insights into the culture.
But even if I don’t visit the beer bars, I have not choice but to run into the these hopeful girls.
Two nights ago, after my food massage, I went to a beer garden. I had hoped that a beer garden was more of a place for beer, and a less of a local girl bar. Mostly it was. The waitress tried to leave me alone while I kept my head down and read my book. But eventually, she could not help herself.
“Where is your girl?” she asked.
“I am alone,” I told her.
“What?” she asked suspiciously. “Why you are so good looking and no have girl?”
I didn’t know the words in Thai for introverted, “alone time” or retreat. And I was certain such terms were seldom used by other white men in this town. And so I simply smiled.
But the outdoor bar perched out on a peer was relatively empty as the rest of the white guys were in the real beer bars. And she either just wanted to talk or saw me as an opportunity.
She said her name was “Meo.” I looked down at her name tag and the word “M-E-O-W” was spelled out.
“Is that really your name? Meow?” I asked.
She said her name was Meo – but Farang could not say it right so this was better. Plus she liked the idea of being called a kitty.
I was not really desiring a conversation, but most men in Pattaya are. And one would assume that waitresses at bars like this also enjoying talking. True to profile, Meo comes from a small village in the north near Chang Mai. She was single, and working to raise money for her family. I was hesitant to ask her more questions as questions about her goals and life are often interpreted as having an interest in helping to make them come true.
Meo’s birthday was to follow in two days. She asked me to come back and wish her a happy birthday. But instead, I found a new bar to go to last night.
WALKING AROUND
I spent the last nights walking around the “walking street” of Pattaya. By nine o’clock in the evening, the streets are filled with roving men, many drunk on cheap beer and becoming aggressive. I can only take those walk arounds for 15 minutes before I become overwhelmed, embarrassed and slight disgusted.
But I do it in hopes of trying to understand what is going on in the culture here – and why the majority of men are here doing what they do.
A NEW FACE TO PATTAYAWhile I have not been to Pattaya in over 20 years, there are similarities to Phuket and Koh Samui – other islands and coastal towns I have visited often in Thailand. These other cities have a much better balance of general tourists vs “Farang Tourists.” But they have their beer bars none-the-less.
What has surprised me the most so far in this whole visit are the new faces in town. As I walked around the streets, and listened to voices in chairs near me at the beach, it was rare to find English being spoken. And if it was English – it was even more rare to hear the voice of an American.
The recession has hit hard here in Thailand. And given the fact that there has been civil unrest and government over throws lately, plus added to the fact that Bangkok for example, shut down all of their schools next week because of the H1N1 epedemic, tourists are not exactly flocking here from the West.
Hotels are 50-70% lower in rates. And even with such savings, occupancy rates at nice hotels may be 30% - and rates in 2-star and 3-star hotels are nearly non-existant.
With such low prices, Thailand has been looking to market itself to cultures which are used to a little more uncertainty in their culture – and may be willing to settle for a little more instability.
The streets are now flooded with Russians and families from the Middle East. Every where I turned last night, either loud and brash Russians were talking and flaunting. Or full families of head covered Muslims from the middle east were visiting. For the first time, the new tourists can find responsibly priced trips to this exotic land called Thailand.
But it also provides some interesting culture clashes.
For example, it must be amazingly chocking for these Middle Eastern families, complete with several wives, kids and parents all traveling together, to land in Bangkok, be driven to a beach two hours away, and find themselves deposited into a town that is sunny beach by day – but a den of inequity by night. None-the-less, they are here. And they also walk up and down the walking streets, in a clan, and see all of these women surrounding one or two white men in the bars. How do they explain it to the kids? How can the men be in a place with such women, while walking side by side with wives and mothers who have to completely cover their heads?
In parts of Pattaya, whole blocks are also starting to transform themselves into small Muslim enclaves for middle eastern visitors. You hear the music of the middle east. All of the shop signs are in middle eastern languages. And you even find “hosts” at these bars, but clad completely different, at least in clothes that publically are not so objectionable.
It is absolutely fascinating to see.
And then you have the Russians. Larger than life – pushy – demanding and culturally unaware. I saw example after example of how this culture creates demanding expectations based upon their own home cultures.
Thailand has to thrive. Without visitors from Europe, Australia or America – they have no jobs. But I cannot tell you how many time locals volunteered to tell me to please send more Americas to Thailand – that they did not like the Muslims or the Russians. They are frustrated by their leaders for the fighting because it has hurt the economy so badly. But business is business – and Russian or Muslim business is better than no business.
But it also makes for an interesting transition for Pattaya. They are having to ask themselves what additional business and services they can provide for these new types of businesses and families. And perhaps in the end, that is good.
THESE OBSERVATIONS that I have written about today are not new to me. Every visit I make to Thailand, I see the same things. But in the past, my visits have been long weekend breaks from Singapore – and I simply lived in the moment rather than recorded what I saw.
Part of my reason to write it down is also to try to reconcile – or perhaps just acknowledge that there are two sides of the equation. Thailand is a wonderful country, full of wonderful caring people. They don’t judge. They accept. They prey to Buddha and hope he keeps them safe. They wonder about Karma – and what they did to deserve today – and what they can do to deserve a better tomorrow.
They are a hopeful people.
Well, I have arrived after my 1.5 hour taxi ride from the coast to central Bangkok. Now comes the hectic world of the big city for three days. I am going from staying in a beach side villa for $60 to a modern hip hotel called “Dream.” They have booked me in a junior suite – that normally goes for over $300. Today – it will cost me only $75. There may not be many of us Americans here. And I will plan to use a lot of hand cleaner each day. But I am sure to enjoy and have more adventure.
There is more I could say about todays topic. There are more thoughts in my head. But rather than write it over and over - at least you have a few thoughts. I would love to hear personally any of your questions, confusions, opinions or thoughts. What do you think about what is happening here?
Have a good Friday.
