Oh Baby!

GROWING THE SEEDS THAT YOU HAVE PLANTED

Friends, yesterday, during my trip home from Florida to California, I published a little quip from the Houston Airport on my blog "Friday in the City" at: http://fridayinthecity.blogspot.com/

In the short email that turned into a blog, I ended the post with, "Parents, learn parenting skills!."

A few of you scolded me for that comment, saying,

" Mr Bachelor Von Feldt: Crying babies on a flight seldom have anything to do with parenting skills... If you ever have kids yourself, you will find out…"

" Such skills are, perhaps, the most difficult to acquire for any human being, Rick. Children don't come with manuals attached."

I decided I should give a little more of my perspective, right or wrong. If you are or are not a parent, I would love to have your additional thoughts and comments!

First of all, I want you to get in the mood! This YouTube video is a little funny. But not. This is EXACTLY what I heard for, and I am not exaggerating, 2.5 hours from Orlando to Houston. The young girl was two rows away. And by the way - as I have learned, noise canceling headphones can remove the low notes of an airplane engine, but the shrill pitch of a little kid comes through loud and clear…)

Watch this BABY ON A PLANE video. : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkPV5En_jI8

Granted - I have not been a parent.

But, due to being an uncle, being close to the children of friends and being around a lot of kids, I take extra time to observe what parents do - and don't do.

As an example. After I wrote the entry below about "parents, learn skills…" - I boarded my second plane. I was flying Continental Airlines instead of my usual United Airlines. As a result, I didn't have the advantage to sit in the first 10 rows of Economy, often reserved for frequent travelers. I realized that this would typically exclude kids, and be mostly frequent business travelers. It was a reality check. And so, sure enough, as I strode down the plane isle to 26F, I looked with horror as I discovered that within the rows of 25, 26 and 27 (my row, and in front and in back of my row), there were 8 kids out of the 18 seats. That is a lot. And in my little sub row of 3 - I was the only "mister" as they kids would eventually call me.

In my row, the father of the two kids, watched carefully his kids sitting next to me. I could tell they he had done the right thing. He and his wife had obviously worked with the three kids to explain how a plane would work. What are the seat belts. They had practiced to know about using the seat belts. About having to stay in their seats. They each had small travel bags, with pre portioned little snacks, ranging from gold fish to M and Ms. They had books. And little games. They had a little ipod with music. And they had been taught how to use all of that stuff. Obviously absent was a lot of liquid. You could even tell they had been "warned" not to drink very much so they would not have to go up and down the isles to the bathroom. These kids were great. The were calm. Patient. Entertained. They were courteous, and offered me little snacks all along the trip.

The little boy, sitting directly in front of me, was very different. He was all over the place. During the flight, he was jumping up and down in his seat. Literally jumping. His father would yell at him. He would stop. And then minutes later, he would jump again. Sometimes, the father didn't even care, until I stood up and motioned to him. Little boys jumping in the seat in front of you, connected to your tray table and your lap top computer is not the same thing. I don't think he had little methods for contenment and distraction. The poor kid was bored, and didn't know what to do. And worse, they father put all of the three kids in one row. Why not go adult / kid / adult? It was like, "You kids sit over in this row and play why Mommy and Daddy rest in this other role."

These kids were between 5 and 10 years old.

The little ones - the screamers - are even worse.

And again, I think there are very specific things my friends, who travel a lot, do with those little ones. How much sleep you make sure they have is a big thing. If they are tired, then it becomes the curse of the plane. They are cranky. And wrestless. But also, the method of parenting you use WILL BE APPARENT on the plane. If the parents let the kids run wild, without guidance and appropriate behavior management at home, the same thing will come out on the plane. It will be amplified.

It was apparent with the screamer on the first plane. This little girl must have been 2 or 3. She screamed the whole time when she didn't get her way. Loud, defiant screams. That behavior does not come suddenly on a plane trip. That little girl had learned at home that screaming equals getting her way. And when many of us looked around to the father (not sure where or if there was a mother around), he just looked at us like, "what do you want me to do?" He was probably correct. His bad parenting skills had already taken place.

Other friends of mine have kids exactly at that age. They use very specific skills of "time out" and of teaching the kids that screaming is not a good thing. When a child screams, they place the child in another room until they calm down. They don't coddle or attend to the tantrums (unless of course the child is hurt or not feeling good). And little by little, the child, developmentally, realize that screaming is not the behavior that will get them what they want.

It was not so for this little girl. She was all over the place - screaming. Crawling around on the floor. Doing everything her way.

And frankly, I would go further to say, that if you have a kid who is out of control, then my honest opinion is that you should not be bringing those kids on trips or vacations anyway. Drive them somewhere if you need to. But instead, perhaps spending more time with your kids at home, teaching them, parenting them, instead of throwing them all in a plane is a better plan.

One friend did explain to me that one of the problems of having babies on a plane is that they don't know how to "pop" their ears from the pressure. And that makes them uncomfortable.

Another friend give their babies small doses of a pain pill to relax and reduce some of this stress. I know that is slightly controversial, but perhaps a good option? If babies or small children really do have this pain, isn't it humane to help them with that pain rather then let them feel really bad?

I am understanding of those little kids. But as they get older, behavior modification comes in to play…

I believe in developmental psychology. Parenting is a huge huge task. I love, admire and appreciate all of my friends and family that do it. I am too selfish to do it. I state that right up front. I would not have the long term patience to make the choice that each of them / you have made. But with the choice, parents have a responsibility to really parent. It is not throw a few seeds in the garden, and then get out of the way and see what happens. Both of my brothers, and most of my friends are wonderful at that. This is why I think I know a difference of what is good and bad parenting. And why I made the comment, "Parents - learn parenting skills." Perhaps I should have said, "Parents - practice parenting skills" or "Parents, talk to my friends and family about better ways of parenting."

Your thoughts?

What am I missing?

Can you understand my perspective as a single business traveler?

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